It's times like this when I go scrambling under my blanket that I can once again feel the reassurance of someone, or rather, something being there for me. Diving into the comfort and warmth of the one thing that's been with me for sixteen years, maybe I see the depths of a darkness far beyond what it means to be without light in this world.
Having seen it, having experienced it, you are forgiven if you ever wonder, 'once bitten, twice shy'. What more being bitten more than what you can count with the fingers of both hands. Even so, I've failed to realise once more.
The world doesn't fight for you.
A place, hidden from this world.
A cliff to stand on.
A waterfall rushes down.
A mist of crystal-clear liquid.
Glimmers in the warm evening glow.
Stretch my arms, arch my back.
Dive.And plunge into the icy-cold waters.
Dwell into complex inferiority.
Climb a beanstalk to reach your mind.
Dwell into a will to survive.
Throw the red riding hood over your bleeding self.
Dwell into the desire to protect.
Guard your heart with gingerbread men.
Dwell into the vulnerability,
Walk the aisles and dark alleys on glass slippers.
Dwell into sweet love,Plant a kiss on the sleeping beauty.
Wish the phone would ring right now.
It never will, so blow the stars out tonight.
Let's pack our bags and never turn back.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G.
Spell me the end of this classroom romance.
Let's pack our bags and run away.
Where piano keys carol a silent melody,
And a rocking chair creaks in perfect unison.
Let's pack our bags and leave for the stars.
From this ghost town of a heart.
The sleeping giant lies still. When he struggles, his efforts were weak. In a semi-conscious state, he floats between the real world and the imaginary. Deep inside, he has given up on all hope. The tiny midgets around him swarmed, numbers in force, and they completely overpowered him. Despite his massive strength and titanic body, the long fight has taken its toll, and the consequences were dire. He knew that right now, no matter how hard he resists, this prison has no way out, the bars are there to stay. No, the only way out was to wait. Patience rings true. He needed time, time to prove himself and time to recuperate. Soon enough, he'll show them. He'll break free, and he'll take flight.
He closes his eyes. The sands of time flows.
Even if it flows slowly,
it flows.
And all he have to do is wait..
14/5/07'
---
I'm drinking milk now. Milk makes me happy. :D
Today was a pretty good day. I haven't got no clue where to start, but I do know that Mr Tan is the most understanding person in the school. Never really had that much of a good impression of him in the beginning, but a short conversation with him two days ago told me that this man was different from the rest. So anyway, I think I'm dropping from H2 Chemistry to H1 Chemistry, as well as flinging the most boring subject in the world, Geography, out the window. No more geography! I think that's part of the reason why I'm happy too. :D
And the best part is, I'm staying in my class.
Yes, as much as I hate to admit it, the class's kept me going on. Right until this point of time, I still harbor thoughts of leaving the school for good, but I don't really want to think about that right now. Good grades rank highest on the priority list now, and I shouldn't be letting all this distract me. Time to let the serious side of me come through first, before I revert back to my playful, boring self. (: Yes, I have two personalities, so shoot me.
And thank you Alicia. (: You've been the most caring person in class to me the past few weeks. And you made me feel a part of the class, despite my constant anti-social self. I'm sorry I made you sad/worried over my impending departure from the class okay? I'm staying, and this time, it's for real. (:
And Lizzy, hahaha. Yes, everyday is a last day for me, I know. I'm staaaaaying. Staying to ask you random questions during lectures. :D
And of course.. you! Thank you for the very sweet note. (:
17/5/07'
---
I'm quite pleased with myself, I made the effort to jog today. (: Feels great to run under the setting sun, dusk hangs above, while the evening breeze caresses your bare back. The adrenaline rush and the cold perspiration (humans perspire, pigs sweat :D) brings you back to earth. Thoughts swiveled, threatening to overflow as the park routes lead to deserts and oceans, space and back again. I think that sometimes, I really do think too much.
I'm hungry. Very hungry. ):
17/5/07'
(continued)
---
Sports Carnival went okay. Lost out on what I felt was unfair, you don't look at points difference in basketball, do you? But anyway, it was fun, and it feels good to actually score and the people by the sidelines cheer you on. (: After that, headed down to Yishun with the two girls to give Brian moral support during his bowling nationals. And I left halfway to meet Jethro.
So we watched Spiderman 3, and yes I know, we sure took our time in catching one of the most anticipated shows in the year 2007 (or so they say). But you can't blame us for the flooded theatres since it got featured on-screen, right? Right. So.. we watched Spiderman 3.
And Spiderman 3 was good.
I think I'll post a separate post on it. I learnt alot from the movie, and if I have the time and inspiration to bring out my feelings on it, I will- soon. Since this entire post here consists mainly of events, which is quite a rarity in -mexicanwine.blogspot.com, I won't squeeze my very own movie reviews in here. :D
Right now, I need to fly down to Plaza Singapura. (:
18/5/07'
"Or it is just him battling his sanity."Adore the deep sinking feeling of pain and cuts.
Happy Mother's Day.Hey Mom, you probably won't get to read this. But I just wanna say sorry for all the wrong things that I've done. I know chances of me getting the Son-of-the-Year award are almost zilch, but just to let you know..
I do love you from the bottom of my heart.---
So the week's passed, and things are slowly falling into place. Look back, and the smoke and debris tell a story. Reality beckons, and despite all the despairing struggles, it's time to place everything back into His hands. Maybe brokenness is an ingredient; maybe what they say is true. A reason, buried beneath the soil.
Take it, take them all. Everything lifted up into the highest heavens, faith is a big word. Five letters, of constant scribbles in textbooks, worksheets, and what have they, keep the flicker of flame alight. May is underway, and a daunting seven more await. As the weary body staggers on, scars from past battles reflect the severity of your remaining breath, barely visible in the haunting cold. Lust for the final reckoning builds up raw strength; you refuse to believe that you couldn't pull through.
Afterall, you've been through sixteen years.
What's another two?
---
Gone are the days when heavy pounding guitar rifts rumble the neighborhood, and screaming artists hell-bent on broken throats dominate the billboard. Maybe after spending years trying to grind my heart into a cold, unfeeling, blood-pumping tool, the unyielding, stubborn thing has voiced its opinion.
"Not a grotesque end with withering petals,
but a kiss of death in love's embrace."---
But if I have to describe, bliss is too shallow a word. (:
Sometimes, the mouth doesn't speak what the heart says.
Welcome to the planet, where your air is my poison.
I fight alone, these deep battle scars are my pride.
Who knows, this crazy idea of mine might just work.
I looked out the window today. A group of six scattered clouds hanged in the sky. The sky was clear except for those few clouds. The wind was blowing gently. And I saw a movie playing out its scenes.
Atop the first cloud sat a tiny fishbowl. In it, a little goldfish swam around in circles. Once in a while, the fishbowl rocked slightly, as if something was pushing against it from inside, trying to get out, to break free. I switched my gaze to the second. This time, the cloud was a seemingly ordinary cloud, cotton candy in the sky. But as I stared, a dark figure leapt from behind it, and splashed back in.
What was that, I wondered. So I waited. Then I saw it again. Clear as crystal this time. There it goes again, a dolphin, its sleek and shiny skin reflecting the sun's glare into my eyes, hurling into the sky. The tip of its nose seemed to touch the heavens, before gravity spoke its law, and it came diving down swiftly, graceful as a swan.
The third cloud had something sinister about it at first. As the fog surrounding it faded slowly, it revealed a portrait that told of immense sorrow. A streetlamp stood on the cloud, proud, yet its posture spoke otherwise. It arched forward, back bent, as if it had aged with the flow of time. The lamp shook in the cold breeze; you could almost hear the eerie creaking as it swung from side to side. The glow from within flickered once, twice, then it went out. The nearby ancient buildings stood, lonely. The paint was peeling off, and wooden gates that previously guarded strongholds were victims of a cruel act: the snail-paced ticking of a rusty clock in the sky that took the place of the setting sun.
Confused and bewildered, I looked toward the fourth cloud. It was another portrait. This time, a brick-red farm with an oversized roof shed was the first to catch my eye. Chickens cluttered about in search of grains; cows grazed lazily in a nearby field. A farmer was milking one of them by the sheds, and a dainty lady was hanging clothes up the clothesline. A dog appeared suddenly, its barks like enchantments that spurred the chickens to scramble about, clucking in fear and confusion. A young boy and his sister sat on the ledges surrounding the farm, pointing and laughing.
Now, the fifth cloud was a mystery. At first, I couldn't see anything. But as I squinted and searched, I caught sight of him. A little baby boy crawled above the cloud. He must be two years old, or younger, and he had handsome features. His eyes twinkled like stars, and he had skin smooth as silk. I watched on as the baby crawled about the large stretch of cotton hanging in the sky. I had a notion he was looking for something, but I didn't know what.
Which sane parents would ever leave their child atop a cloud, I wondered out loud. Then, as if to answer my question, I heard a giggle. The baby had found what it was looking for. As I struggled to peek at the tiny object in his hands, I realized it was.. a lollipop?
I think I need rest, lots of it. I shook my head to clear away everything I had just seen. Or
think that I had seen. As I turned to make my way into my room, I sub-consciously glanced at the sixth and final cloud. It was when I saw.. him. A young teenager was sitting at the edge of the cloud. His legs dangled in the air. Judging at how close he was near the edge, he was threatening to fall off anytime as he stared into thin air. Looking closer, he had a lollipop in his mouth.
What is it with lollipops these da.. I couldn't finish my sentence as it hanged broken in the air. That boy over there, he looked familiar. Too familiar. He wore a pair of glasses, his hair wasn't tidy, but neither was it too messy. He has this thing about him that reminds me of.. Hey! Isn't that shirt what I'm wearing now? And those jeans!
No, it couldn't be..Atop that final cloud, is that really.. me?
